Hello! Well.. Today I was at my outpatient group class, and I filled out a questionnaire type thing, and it really made me think.

I'm a full time student (besides summer, which isn't offered), so my social life is very lacking. I hadn't had any mental health problems until I got pregnant, I'm sitting at 34 weeks now. So I just recently got into treatment, and haven't yet gotten prescribed any medicine.

Well one of the questions was what I like about my friends and what they like about me. I answered the question with my boyfriend being my best and only friend, and I liked that he was so caring of me and our son, wanting the best for us, etc. Just a little while ago he pushed some of my buttons (which I'm trying to fix, hence the treatment), and I realized that that's not honestly how I feel. It's much more like he wants the baby to be okay.. I think we're only still together because I have nowhere else to live right now, and he wouldn't want the baby to be in bad conditions. We went to my OBGYN last week and I told him about my treatment and he said that he thinks I should get on medicine if a doctor thinks I need it because "a baby with an alive and sane mom is better than a mom who might hurt herself before or after the baby comes". My boyfriend however, made sure to tell me that he doesn't think there is any reason for me to be on medicine right now, since I only have a few more weeks of the pregnancy, and I get that, but then he purposely pushes my buttons and tells me that I need to get over it. Maybe not intentionally, but he makes me feel so bad about myself for having these problems, and gaining weight, which really sucks ): in the end, I just feel unloved and unwanted.

Thank you for reading.