I'm pretty angry right now. I know it's because of family coming this weekend and I really don't want to see them. Why I don't want to see them seems to be beyond me. I expect bad things to happen when we get together even though bad things rarely do.

Partially what bothers me is that my cousin who has lived near us for 10-12 years has never once invited us over. She has been to our house 6-7 times. My mom keeps making excuses for my cousin, but I can't help but think that it's because my cousin plain ol' doesn't like me.

I'm not liked much anyway. And the older I get the more I seem to adopt this and the more people really don't like me. I have one friend, my husband. How he stands me I'll never know. But he keeps saying he loves me.

Anywho...

It also bothers me a lot that my brother invites all these people over every time he comes to our house to visit. He asks, but I have a hard time saying no. I already feel like such a jerk.

I'm the only one not excited about this get together.

I just hope I don't snap and yell and scream and say things that I'll regret. I'm pretty wound up and upset about this. I wish I knew exactly why so I could deal with it.