I think when you write "better" it means "less emotional" or "upsetting," "less intense," "not as deep?" I found there might be a lot of value in those emotions and experiences, but I do appreciate how calmer can equate to better in one sense. It goes back to that feelings-boxing you referred to I think- it is, as my T would say, blessing and bane, like most things.

"I can't get more time" than the two hours a month does sound like a very hard thing to benefit from in terms of easing that root cause- when you're dealing with the issue of a lack of mothering/connection.

Maybe working on the self-mothering aspect will be a big help to you at this stage, nurturing yourself creatively and making room for those feelings to be heard and honored in addition to the twice monthly therapy.