There are some ways to give ourselves affection directly and indirectly. I bought myself a supremely soft silver shawl based on an item in a creative visualization we did in therapy, and I wrap myself in it whenever I like. I give myself hugs sometimes, I enjoy affectionate sensations, pat on the back, hot bath, cuddling with my dog, snuggling in blankets, a treat of a special drink or desert, etc. Ways to pamper and nurture ourselves like a doting mother would.

Also, though, I go and get massages, manicures or ask hubby to scratch my back, something I love- even the cheap by the minute massages at the mall are wonderfully nurturing and stress-reducing. Or there are handheld back massagers and such we can use on ourselves.

And then, we can get affection through volunteering too, nursing homes, with big brothers or sisters programs, other volunteering efforts, there are so many, and of course, support groups. When I was young, I attended a lot- hugs were in ample supply along with other types of caring and empathy and support, which was good too, being there for others is powerfully engaging and healing.

It is not the same.

And self-mothering is not equivalent to mothering, nothing is the really the same, but... it is a useful alternate path.