I very rarely call my mother. She was an alcoholic for my entire life and left me at age 13. She recently moved to another state and retired. I'm 23 so I have my own life and don't need to include her on anything anymore, but she called me four days ago after I let her know how my interview went for a position I really wanted. We got disconnected and she called me about 2-3 more times through the course of the next 3-4 days. She even left me a voice mail that said "I'm really worried about how you're feeling." Which was really unlike her, she hasn't said she's worried about me in ten years, so I thought that was odd - over something so small as an interview rejection. So she called again today and I answered.

The conversation started out fine and as pleasant as possible, but after ten minutes on the phone she began talking badly about my dad and how horrible he is. She does this every single time I talk to her. It aggravates me so much because I've told her to stop bringing up the past. My dad's a wonderful man but that's besides the point. I tried to let it go and allow her to keep talking, I even tried to say I gotta go you're breaking up, but she kept talking. So finally I said "Okay, I gotta go, this is really upsetting me, and can I just say something? You're the one who hasn't been there for me. You're the one who has been horrible for years." She paused and in an eerie almost sweet calm voice said "I won't be able to help you anymore." I said "Okay? With what? You don't help me anyway." She was referring to money but she very rarely helps me with money anyway, I think in the past 5 years she's only helped me 3 different times at the most. She said "Because you said that about me." I said "Said what?" She said, "That I'm horrible." I said, "You were horrible." She was abusive and a deadbeat parent, saying she was horrible is almost an understatement. But she has zero conscience, because its all about her. Not the fact that I'm ever hurting or ever needed a mother, no its all about her.

Then she said, "I moved across the country just to get away from you girls." Meaning me and my sister. By the way, we never visited her when she lived in the same state. But what kind of a mother says that? Her hatred for us comes out of no where and her lack of empathy to how I must be hurting, is unprecedented. So finally I said "Okay I gotta go bye." And she just said "Bye."

My dad said I walked right into her trap because whenever she brings up the past she knows I get upset, its a definite trigger for me and sometimes I'm able to just let it go, but she was trying to get a rise out of me so she wouldn't feel so bad about saying she's never going to help me anymore. Whatever it takes to make her feel better about herself and her actions.

I just wish she would stop calling me. This is why I waited 4 days and would have probably gone weeks without calling her back because this is how it always ends between us. No matter how fake nice I am to her, no matter how many times I keep my mouth shut whenever she's trying to trigger me into an argument, it always ends up with her "winning" and me being left in the dust, once again.

I hate this constant toxic relationship. I tried going no contact before but due to necessity I needed to contact her again and this just keeps happening over and over.