Dear Strange Feelings --

It sounds as if you are going through a lot right now. I don't envy you.

I've had these thoughts about what it means to be dead since I was a little kid. I told my shrink once how scary it was and he said, "Then don't think about it." Death is the great unknown for all of us.

As for the "eat no food" pledge. No no no no no. On a safe and sane diet, you should plan on losing about two pounds a week. You develop a new lifestyle that you can sustain by decreasing calories, substituting healthier foods for fatty, sweet, salty and processed food, and increase exercise to burn calories. And increase intake of pure water, very important.

A complete fast can kick up all kinds of emotions as the body purges, and can even result in hallucinations in some cases. You don't need any further upset right now. Take care of yourself.

A program of modest calorie reduction and modest exercise (even a walk around the block two times a day is said to help) would give you an attainable goal, which will increase self-esteem, and will absorb time as you research and devise nutritious menus (which may involve more trips to the store -- I can eat fresh fruit and veggies fast enough to keep them very long), count calories, and keep a record of every single little thing you eat. Buy a cheap calorie counter pamphlet and a little notebook to take everywhere. Kept over time, you can see what parts of the diet are providing too many calories; and just the act of having to write down every little thing stops me from eating. I'm not going to eat two almonds if I know I have to get the book out, look up the calories, write it down, and do a new subtotal.

Now mind you -- do I follow my own advice? Cackle, cackle. But I did when I was healthier person, I was avid about my health, and right now I need to keep my weight constant, not lose, and pretty soon I'm gonna be healthy enough to take better care of myself.

Sorry for writing so long. It's how I keep the demons at bay.

Good luck with the diet and your demons.