Well....

I was diagnosed as depressed at age 12 and was put on a couple different medications that made me feel horrible. I stayed on the meds at the request of my mother until I turned 16 and could legally choose my own treatment. I chose to discontinue the meds, and was off them for a couple years. In that time, I got worse because I went through a really bad breakup with my first boyfriend. I started cutting (I was 18 and had gone away to college by then), and attempted suicide twice before my room mate caught me cutting one day and I was sent to a mental hospital for a week.

It was horrible being in the hospital. Their "treatments" were to put everyone on tons of drugs and force us to attend group therapy and other scheduled activities all day every day. They made us wake up at 7am, and being an insomniac, that was really hard for me. I eventually started pretending to be feeling better and they released me after 6 days. My mother had to come pick me up and I dropped out of college for the rest of the semester and lost my scholarship.

I moved back in with my family, and continued to feel horrible for a few years after that. I got really good at hiding it so that they wouldn't force me to go to therapy. I never got along with any therapist I ever had and ended up dreading the whole experience. So, I pretended to be ok. I contemplated suicide a few times after moving back in with my family because I had gotten into an abusive relationship, but never acted on those thoughts again for fear of being sen to a hospital again. I wanted to die after the 2 first times my abuser broke up with me, even though it could have saved me a lot of pain.

When I was 20, I was diagnosed as bipolar because I had my first manic episode. I was put on Abilify and that was the first time a medication has ever had any positive effect on me. I've been on it pretty much every since, other than the first few months of this year because of insurance issues. But I didn't really start getting my life turned around until about a year ago, after I met my fiance. It's taken a lot of work and a lot of pain to get here, but I'm finally sort of happy with my life.

Wow that was long... and that's the short version. Sorry for rambling.