i talked to T about my dad and how i feel like a bad person when i talk about what he did to me. he said something about how i defend my parents. well i feel like thats what i have to do, its so complicated and screwed up. especially with my dad. my mom and my relationship has gotten a lot better. i feel like my dad can hear me talking about it even though hes dead. so i try to respect him and just not talk about it.