For many more years than I care to admit I stayed in a vapor of confusion, anger, torment, and FEAR after being molested. I didn't know what it meant for sure until I watched one of those movies of the week in '84 called "Kids don't Tell". It was Michael Ontkean and Jo Beth
Williams. About the affects of having been molested as a young child. That brought it all back for me. I was teary eyed most of the time and when my husband came home from being away at work, I told him while he was in the b'room shaving. He couldn't believe his ears after I said that. But then, he said alot of stupid things too. Like I never saw F do it. Of course not. He's not going to fondle your wife in front of you. Are you crazy? For many years I had to be "stone" cold DRUNK just to have sex. I couldn't do it sober. I wanted to forget. I drowned my sorrow for many many years in the bottle. I wouldn't talk about it or acknowledge that it even happened at first. I had no one to protect me, so I protected me!!! One day I told my little bro. what happened.....he told me if he had known he would have killed him. He mentioned that he caught F watching me undress one time from my bedroom door and told him if he did it again he'd tell our mother. Far as I know he didn't do it when my bro. was home.
My message to you is: don't beat yourself up for it. It does not go away simply because you want it to. If it was that simple, everybody would be doing it. It may never be the same for you. Learn acceptance and it gets easier....not better, just easier. I don't know what would make it better since I've not gotten to that plateau myself.
CRY for that little girl inside you that feels so violated and abused. The poison gets out when you do. God counts the tears of women. So I'm told???