So, I talked to some guy online for about 11 months (he ended it by blocking me- we were arguing and I told him I didn't appreciate some of the inappropriate things he had said, and he told me to "F off" and "goodbye"). Even though he wasn't nice at all in the end, I still wrote him an e-mail wishing him good luck and apologizing for the things that I had done wrong (which I now realize he didn't deserve). Anyways, even though I never met him and only spoke to him on the phone once, I am finding it hard to let go. I have found that this has consumed my thoughts for months and months, even though I don't want it to, and now it's even worse that it's over. To be honest, he never had qualities that I would have considered to be appealing. He isn't educated AT ALL, and I am in university. And even talking to him- he seemed kind of unusual and spoke very quickly. He also isn't overly physically attractive, and ALWAYS claimed to be "busy all of the time". But he continued to pursue conversations so I just never let go of him like I should have. I knew all along that I could meet someone much different and better, and yet despite all of the things I don't like about him and how angry he made/makes me, I don't know how to let go and be happy again. To make it worse, talking to this guy affected my progress and happiness.
The fact that this bothers me so much when it definitely shouldn't worries me. I am so glad I never met him because even though I don't know this person, he makes me feel bad, and has since I started talking to him. I put up with so much from him- saying creepy things (like asking if we could sleep together when we meet and if he could see inappropriate pictures, just creepy, especially for me because I'm not that kind of person in any way). I think one of the reasons I kept talking to him is because I knew he had issues and felt some sympathy/understanding toward him given my own situation, but he was always so distant and annoying. Anyways, I just want to let go of this and move on. I'm supposed to be starting school in a few weeks and want to just forget about this. I never would have put up with this a few years ago, and I especially would not have been upset over something like this ending. I think I'm angry because I know I deserve better and this guy acted like a jerk. What is wrong with me? How do I get over this? Does BPD cause this? (I have it). I know that part of my problem as well is that I don't have much to focus on (I almost will with school and work) so all I do is sit around feeling angry and bitter about things. I apologized to him because I know things weren't only his fault, I wasn't perfect to him in any way either. In the end though I was decent and he wasn't.