Thanks for your comments, mouse. I am glad you have reached some insights about your kids through your therapy. Although this hasn't been the main focus of my therapy, I have gleaned some useful insights there on this topic too.

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mouse_ said:
I would worry about thinking one wonderful and the other not, that is what we are attaching to them, I expect there are times your daughter whom you get along better with irritates you?

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As I wrote above, both my daughters are wonderful girls. But I have a wonderful relationship with only one. I don't delude myself into thinking I have one with both--simply not true. I don't let this stop me from trying to have a good relationship with my youngest, though. I don't try to replicate the relationship with my oldest daughter with her, but try to have our own unique relationship. I would love to have wonderful, unique relationships with both of my wonderful girls! Like yours, my girls are so different from each other. Neither is perfect, but yet I love them each profoundly and treasure their differences. I agree with what you wrote--it is so important to accept them for who they are. I worry so much about my youngest daughter because she does not have much of a relationship with me or her father and does not have any friends. I don't want her to be a social butterfly or anything (something that would not be true to who she is), but I would like her to have support in her life. She is so often angry, but we don't know why. I will not give up trying to reach her. As your therapist said, it is my "job" as the mother to "get her back." I accept that and will not avoid this important responsibility. mouse, thank you for sharing that statement from your therapy as it has reminded me that I must not give up.