I usually don't read long posts, but I really enjoyed reading this thread. Thank you for creating it. : )

Growing up I always felt different. I was the typical moody teenager but to the extreme. Constantly slamming doors, and fighting with my sister. But I got good grades and was accepted into a good school. I think this was my trigger because I had never really been away from home that far for that long. By the spring semester I was depressed I couldn’t concentrate on anything I read and stopped going to most of my classes. I failed (big surprise) two courses and decided to go back home and try community college. Failed that too. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, I got A’s and B’s in high school, why am I now getting F’s??

I had a meltdown and went to the hospital. But by the time I was seen I had calmed down and they dismissed it as a panic attack and told me to follow up with my PCP. I’m now in therapy and on Paxil and Xanax with a diagnosis of major depression. Therapy worked and I felt amazing. I reconnected with a guy from high school and started a long distance relationship. In the meantime I followed up with a pdoc who told me I was bipolar. I dismissed that, stopped my meds and moved halfway across the country to be with my new boyfriend.

Needless to say, the relationship didn’t go too well. Within the year things just fizzled. Here I am in a far off state alone. Depression finds its way back in, and I start to drink and drink. For some reason I get myself help and see another pdoc. Then another because I didn’t like him. I can’t even begin to tell you what cocktails she put me on, but the pills were free so I took them and keep partying. I eventually am in IOP and not working for about a month. When I go back to work everything is ok and I’m somewhat stable, but still partying. Work becomes so stressful I couldn’t take it and I take a bunch of pills because in my head I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. From the outside it sounds like a suicide wish, but to me that’s not what it was. I just wanted all my troubles to go away. This gets me to be IP for the first time.

Upon release I decide to move back home. I break my lease, and pack up and move back. I’m on and off meds, and I don’t really have a story for that. Either money issues or new doctors. I have another hospitalization because my job stressed me out and life was too much for me. Another IP visit with PHP after. I quit my job upon release.

After another rocky alcohol filled relationship I decided to see a pdoc. She tells me I’m bipolar and gives me a mood stabilizer which I have been on ever since. With a few bumps in the road this is the longest I’ve been ok. It’s been about six years.