I say screw the compassion route. When you have malignant parent(s), ordinary compassion is just used to hook you in like a fish. I guarantee you that she is fully aware of it when she makes that clicking sound. If you want to avoid getting upset, then must always bear in mind that she wants you to get upset. That's the main goal, every time. In her mind, she 'wins' when you get upset, and then she can paint you as crazy for being upset. Most people will tell you to do the 'right' thing and have compassion. Those people are trying to give good advice, but they clearly have no experience with a malignant parent. Just refuse to even play her game. Ignore what she says. Don't respond. Only aloof, short responses when necessary. It is always a game to malignant types. The only way you escape is when you refuse to play in the first place. If you try to be empathetic and understand them, and work things out, dollars to doughnuts says that just becomes part of the game. Waste of emotional energy.