I'm constantly missing you, but I barely thought about you this week. That fierce sense of loss and abandonment is gone in the past two days and it's weird. It feels like when I stopped obsessing about the person I've wanted as mom for 20 years. There I took 15 years though. It's a strange sense of.. quiet void, like something strong is missing. The overwhelming joy when I met her and the longing in the days or months I didn't get to see her. Bitter but liberating in the long run. Now, this time it must be my crazy schedule: I'm pretty sure it didn't cost me so little and I will be suffering a lot again. BUT should this continue for some sort of miracle, then I think I won't agree to more sessions. Why then go through all the pain all over again in just one month and then many other times, let alone termination? Ah T, if you could only remotely imagine how emotionally drained I am.