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growlycat · Aug 05, 2015, 10:22 PM

I get this. I once told my longterm therapist that

Possible trigger:

That I have occasionally hurt myself while masturbating because part of my fetish I believe serves to master a past abusive situation. I think I do it to see that nothing can hurt me any more and that I can "take it". My past abuser really really messed with my head and it has affected my sexuality.

My T has been concerned (horrified even?) and wanted me to stop, wanted to know how often I was causing myself harm. Thankfully the rougher aspects have subsided over the years.

I hope your T is understanding--sounds like she is?