I agree with copperstar.

I'm also with Valentina and surprised you are still breathing after 70 beers. Was that a typo? You could have easily died.

You are not a monster, but you are definitely not healthy. Can you stop drinking and reach out to a professional for help? You said "I locked up my gun". This leads me to believe you are in a very bad head space and need help sooner, rather than later. Do you have access to a doctor?