Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
It could just be performance anxiety. I was shamed in the past for not having an orgasm when I was "supposed to". Not by the current partner mind you, but the current partner was so used to women getting off pretty easily with little to no effort, that he seemed very surprised that I'm so "difficult". So he inadvertently made me feel like I was some kind of freak.
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Sounds almost exactly like my issue. You might have an unconscious push to have an orgasm "the right way" (the way your ex shamed you for) so now you tense up without even knowing why. If you do it yourself though, you know it's okay so you can have an orgasm that way.
If you work with your partner in the way that krisakira was describing, it can help lessen that anxiety so you can work thought it.