I'm new, and I desperately need help. I have written another thread about my feelings, but I didn't get much from it so now I'll try here instead. What I describe here is directly copied from my previous thread, because I'm too umotivated to write something new.

I'm born with autism and a heart defect which bothers me really much. My little sister is much prettier and smarter than me. She is very popular and has many friends and she gets them easily. I was being bullied in pre-school, and I'm not over it yet. I don't trust anyone, and I probably never will. I have very low self-esteem, and I don't dare to talk to anyone. My sister gets good grades and is very clever, she has a boyfriend and her own horse. I will probably never get these things, and now I'm sitting here crying because life is so unfair
I can't control my jealousy anymore. Even the slightest comments from her make me flare up and then I get very angry and annoyed. Sometimes I just want to smack her. I just can't handle it anymore. I feel like I have nothing to live for. Nothing to look forward to. My parents say that it is normal to be negative but I don't think so. I'm ALWAYS so negative when I'm with my sister, and I only look at bad things that had happened to me. What's wrong with me?
Sorry for bad English.