I agree with everyone who says that it's your responsibility to take steps to try to prevent this thing from happening again. And it's great news.--that you can. There are things you can do to help minimize the impact of your illness..

That said I bet everyone on this board has some sort of story like that from some point in the past where their bipolar lead them to do something they wouldn't otherwise do. I know I certainly have, and I know how hopeless it feels after. Instead of dwelling on that, use that energy to make a positive change.

It sounds like drinking is very dangerous for you and I think you should stop immediately. If you think that's going to be difficult then definitely get help on that front as people have suggested from someone who deals with addictions.

You say your gun is locked up… Who has the key? It's not very much good if you do :-/

I'm sending you a big hug because I can well imagine how you feel right now. I know what it's like to be filled with self-loathing and regret.

I think the best way you can make yourself start to feel better is to take immediate action to try to make sure this does not happen again.

Is it just when you drink when your bipolar gets you in trouble or do you have issues with mania when you're not drinking?

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