(((((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))

You are a beautiful beautiful person. I want you to know that. I'm so sorry its so difficult for you right now ... and i know it doesn't feel like it, but this talking with him like this is going to be so beneficial in the long run. Therapy is not easy, not by any means ... its a painful process, but if you have the right T (and it sounds like you do) it can be so helpful.

If there is anything that i've EVER learned, its to try and not live in the past, or the future. In my case i have a hard time living in the past, holding on to people that i love ... but i think maybe in your case, you are paying too much attention to what is ahead of you. If you worry too much about people leaving you, then you are going to distance yourself. If you try and not have relationships with people to save yourself from possible pain, then you won't have any. You can't live in fear of the unknown or it will pass you right on by. Embrace those that are important to you, and take comfort in the fact that they are there for you in the now.

Someone i love very much told me that its better to experience love, to experience friendship and trust .. then not to at all. Not everyone is suppose to stay in your life forever ... but no matter the length that that person is in your life ... they are there for a reason. Your relationships that you have with people make you who you are. Yes, maybe in the future they may end up leaving ... or your friendship will change ... but that doesn't mean it was all for nothing. You learn and grow as an individual through the connections that you make during your life.

Your T does care about you. I care about you. Your family and friends care about you, and I know that you care about you. Everyone needs attention, its human nature. And whether you "manipulate" to get it, or whether it comes "naturally" ... its still a need. To long for attention, or do do things in order to receive it ... well you can't blame yourself for that. Everyone does it ... whether its consciously or not.

I want you to know that i'm proud of you. It takes a lot to get through a tough session like that ... and i'm sure there are more to come. But I know that you will get through them. You are one tough cookie and thats one of the many things i admire about you Christina.

Hang in there, and know that i always have a willing ear if you ever need me.
Sending gentle hugs and love
Jacq