It's unbelievable how much I screw up. I try to do things right and not make the same mistakes, yet I keep doing them. This time, I clogged the toilet, and Mike's away. He got a "heavy-duty" plunger, and it's got a thick rubber plunger thingy, and I need to use both hands to push it down, and it takes quite a bit of muscle. I worked up a bit of a sweat, and that's BAD for my OCD. I just had a shower a few hours ago, and I hate getting sweaty after getting all clean. I couldn't get it to flush from the plunging, but the water went down lower, so I don't know if it cleared or not. I don't think it did, because it usually doesn't mean it's cleared if the plunging doesn't cause it to flush. I'm scared to flush it manually to see if it's ok, for fear it'll rise up and spill out. I don't want to lift the top of the back, because I don't even know how to stop the flushing inside there, and more to the point, the idea of sticking my hand and arm in there makes me cringe. My OCD has been through hell, especially yesterday, dealing with some other problems.

Mike's not here and won't be back until Sunday. We have no mop. The only cleaning product for regular cleaning that Mike's gotten since we moved is a broom. Additionally, if the toilet water overflows, that will be hell for my OCD. I'll have to flush it by the time I have to go again, but I'm scared. I have no one to help me. I don't know what I can do.

Why do I always screw up? I try to be careful to not clog the toilet, and I couldn't have done it too badly this time, because I didn't use that much TP. For those who don't know, I have OCD, and I not only do the normal wiping, I wet several handfuls of TP and clean in back and front, plus use several more handfuls to dry. I repeat as necessary. I usually flush several times, so as not to clog the toilet, but I obviously got too much in this last time before flushing. My mind's on so many things, I can't focus. Just when I thought everything was going to be ok till Mike got back, too. Why couldn't Mike get a plunger like the last one we had? It was easier to use. I'm worried, anxious and upset.

I needed to post here and get this off my chest. I keep making these stupid mistakes, and I feel like an idiot. Mike gets frustrated with me repeating these dumb mistakes, and I do, too. I don't mean to!!! Why do I always screw up? I mean, I make stupid mistakes, usually involving my OCD, on a daily, or almost daily, basis, often several times in a day.