<TW: ABUSE> Hi, I'm diagnosed with depression, I think my mental illness has affected how I interact with my family. I'm wondering If my relationships are "normal" or something I should work on.

Relationship with mother
-ha, we fight every living minute of the day, sometimes I'm afraid to say anything because I'm afraid she is going to yell at me and make me cry. (I always cry when we get in arguments)
-Sometimes we are nice to each other, but the only reason i think she is nice is because my older sister, her favorite, is around. I'm kind of a bit paranoid hahah.
-No connection with her, we never talk about anything personal. I never share details with her about my life, I never go to guidance at all.
-Most the time I blame my relationship with her on my self, like it's because the way I dress, I'm gay and dress/look masculine, or the way I act ect. that makes her hate me.

Relationship with father
-wow as if it could get worse
-he say's one word to me a day usually
-I never go to him for anything, it's sad but are relationship has never been close. He's kinda of like his father, very distant and not affectionate at all.
-I actually don't blame myself for our relationship, he choked me when I was six years old and I think thats why are relationship is kind of distant. This might sound incredibly stupid but is it like normal to have a parent do something like that. I mean when he choked me it wasn't because like some sort of punishment, like a spanking or something, it was out of pure rage and it scared the living **** out of me especially since we were on a sidewalk and there were cars, also I was six years old. When the incident happened, I blamed myself completely, and so did my family. They shamed me. They said you'll be lucky if no one in those cars knew your father or you'd be taken away. I still blame myself for what happened.:/ . I try so hard to normalize it, and hope it's normal that it happened. I mean I've never been in another family, how do I know whats normal. Is it normal for your dad to get drunk every night. For me, yea. Is it normal for your parents to never say they love you or show they love you, yea for me. I hate ranting about families considering I know people are in way worse positions, and also it sounds like I blame my family for my problems but in actuality I blame myself for the way we interact.