Thank you for all the replies. I see my pdoc in a few days and might ask her for her opinion, let her know that I want to give it a try as far as working, but that I'm having anxiety about how I'm going to manage to pull it off.

I don't think I could get disability benefits even if I needed them, anyway. Throughout my life, whenever I should have been hospitalized, instead I was ignored or judged and then left to implode. Reading so many posts and stories from people online about needing to be hospitalized made me realize just how many times I should have been over the years, but wasn't. And of course I didn't realize that I was psychotic because well I was psychotic, it never occurred to me to try to get to an ER. So I have pretty much no paper trail, have just lost everything. I feel like my mother has royally screwed me over by never getting me proper help all these years when I was clearly very unstable. And now I need her to help me with transportation, and she's displaying a very clear attitude that she doesn't want to help me get back on my feet. She has **** all over my attempts to be independent over the years and has always displayed the attitude of wanting me as her demented house pet, trapped forever as narcissistic supply. I fear I have lost and the checkmate is imminent.

I will ask my pdoc if she thinks I am having irrational anxiety or not, and if so if she thinks I should try something for it. I can't trust my own mind or anyone in my life. Can't trust anything. Feels like the twilight zone.