This isn't about whether T can help only if they've experienced what you have. But of late I've been coming up against T's life experience and mine.
I grew up in Kings Cross. A real poor area of London. Our home had no indoor toilet. Victorian Poverty still exists in 1960's London.
T had a middle class upbringing. She lives in a middle class area of London.
There's a house across the road from T that is having a loft built into it. T isn't happy about this. Previously she had told me how this b neighbour had isolated him self from the 'community' and he wasn't a 'good neighbour'.
Today T had said how ugly it looked the loft extention. I said, does it??? T said, we'll, it doesn't fit in with the rest of the area.
I shrugged. Then T said how many of the other neighbors had told this guy how 'ugly' it looked a,d T said how she couldn't wait to bump into this neighbour and comisterate with him.
I said,??? T said, we'll everyone's been registering their disapproval at his extention so I was going to say, sorry it didn't turn out how you hoped.
On one hand I was surprised at this side of T. On the other hand I'm glad she was exhibiting this less than 'god' self.
I then said, I didn't see it as ugly. I've lived in some rough places where dirty nappies and syringes lie under my 10th floor drug invested social housing flat. So his loft conversion isn't a problem as I see it. And I said I doubt what you and the community think of it doesn't even bother him.
I then said "I'm being argumentive aren't I"
T said, yes. But that's OK.
It did make me more aware of our differences. Not that she can't help me. But this is a feeling I've been having of late. I think it this into the struggle I've had recently. Where I try to think like T would, but then I have to remember my life experience isn't hers. And I have to at the end of the day, find my own answers, using T to box it out with in the process.