Hi Kasper, I hope you feel better. Please go to the ER if you are suicidal, ok?

For me, life has made such incredible turns that I'd have never guessed. I wouldn't have guessed that both of my parents would be deceased by the time I was in my 30s and that I would not know if my brother was homeless, in jail, or dead. I wouldn't have guessed that I borrowed 100k in student loans to become a lawyer and after achieving that later having to quit practicing law because I'm permanently disabled and on SSDI. I wouldn't have guessed that my marriage of 17 years would destruct along with financial stability. I wouldn't have guessed I'd have neck and back surgery in my 30's with two total disc replacements and still be in pain every day.

I figured it would have gone a hell of a lot better than that and that is not including my abusive childhood ^ lol it's a *facepalm*

But, that's where life went for me so I find the positives where they exist: I have a lovely daughter that I have 50% custody, I have a wonderful boyfriend of several years now, I'm no longer married to a malignant narcissist, I love reading and helping others, I have a close girlfriend that I can chat with for support and about girl stuff, I have two awesome Maine Coon cats.

I think life has also given you a sour deal in many respects and I'm not trying to hijack your thread. I'm trying to say that things often turn out in ways we didn't expect, but we can still find goodness in some of the rubble. I know it is the glass half-full speech but it's true.

Keep us posted on how you are doing.