dad is bringing pizza again today. i'm hungry and can't wait. but at the same time i don't want any. my stomach is growling. why can't i convince myself that eating when i'm hungry is okay? (because i live in a society that says that, as a girl, my weight is my worth, and that to lose weight i must survive on kale and water.) i dunno... i love pizza, but i hate the feeling i get after i eat it - like i failed or something.

in other news, the scale yesterday said i lost two pounds, but i don't know if that's legit weight loss, or from the undigested food i vomited that morning (i was sick). so i don't know if i should celebrate just yet or not.