Welcome. I was diagnosed at twelve and didn't believe it till I was thirtyish. Sure I get depressed but doesn't everyone? And what, you want to take away the few days a year where I actually feel good? I don't think so. For me what makes it worst is knowing on some level but not acknowledging it until I myself went back to school and I did experience psychosis. That is some scary stuff like the nail in the coffin that something might be wrong here and maybe I should do something about this. I do fantasize about letting go of the guilt and shame like I could just say 'oh I'm bipolar that makes sense. So you know all those ****** things I have done in the past? well that wasn't me. sorry for the misunderstanding.' The thing I have noticed the most is that the people that I thought I had hurt the most eventually came back to support me when I took responsibility for my illness. No it is not a cure all, but I am amazed at the capacity of other people to forgive and forget (not a strength of mine) when I am actively trying to get better which gives me hope. Hope that even though I struggle from time to time that doesn't mean I am a bad person destined to be alone for the rest of my life. I hope things work out for you it sounds like you have good support system around you. good luck!