Thank you all for your responses. I really don't have a problem with alcohol (spoken like a true alcoholic). I don't drink often, I don't need to get drink every time I drink, and I don't drink 70 beers often. This was actually the first time, and no, not a typo.

I decided to man up and tell her what happened. She was more understanding than I thought she might be, citing the alcohol as the likely culprit, and how she knows I wouldn't seek out someone, and was thankful that I came forward. However, in the fight that ensued (because I lost my cool after a few wild accusations were made) I discovered that maybe this isn't where I want to be. There is a ton of pressure (from her) to get married...like NOW...and I just don't know if I'm at a place where I think it's a good idea. I don't want to ask someone to commit to me when I'm not well. I'm going to find a new T and Pdoc and get myself under control and then evaluate where I want to go with my life. For now we have seperate and I'm lucky enough to have an understanding friend with her own issues who has taken me in and made sure I am safe.

To answer some other questions:

Key to the safe the gun is in are not in my posession, though the safe is. I am responsible for it, after all.

70 beers isn't too hard to get down when you start at 0800. I imagine I ran out at around 0130 the next morning, which is likely when I went to bed. I also stayed very hydrated; I took a bunch of Pedialite with me for just this reason. I didn't plan on drinking all of the beer alone, however. It was originally to be shared, but everyone brought their own...so...

My mood has been all over the place this week, most likely due to extreme sleep disruption. I've hit some pretty low spots, but the suicidal thoughts have mostly subsided. At least to the point where I can dismiss the idea as silly.

My bipolar gets me in trouble a lot, not just when I drink. Mostly just at home, though. I'm good at "acting normal" in public, and have been told often that I'm always very cheery at work. Though my coworkers wouldn't say that about me this week. They have been acting weird around me and treating me like a lost child all week. I must not be faking it very well. My mania is the worst when I drink, and depression is the worst when my sleep is disrupted.

I cannot express how grateful I am for all of your support, suggestions, and honest feedback. So often I get sugarcoat ed responses or mean feedback when I ask for help, so this was a breath of fresh air.