I have a host of crutches myself. I'm a schizoaffective drug addict. I have been clean for quite some time now though - it is very hard. But cleaning up lets the good meds work properly. I have come to accept the fact that I have the disorder and am no longer angry with God. That took a long time and a lot of meds. I hope you can get to this place. Please take care and consider walking without the crutch - it is very hard but you can do it if you truly try.