I'm older than my mom was when she had me, I'm the youngest in my family.
On of my older brothers is married with young children, at least my oldest brother has a younger (smarter) wife.
I remember thinking to myself my senior year I should never drink or do drugs especially because it would mess my life up.
Perhaps that was wisdom from beyond I never adhered to-
They say Weed isnt addictive- for me it was- it made me happy- gave me a false sense of security-
I didn't realize what time I was wasting-
never pursuing my dreams-
I should've been a teacher-
People say how good I am with kids-
Even older young adults now-
and I can't just live somewhere comfortably and teach and raise a family-
I should've started a family like five years ago.
Or should I have?
So much pressure to have kids as a woman.
You'd think your life isnt complete without em'
At this point if I had kids I would be 42 when they are 20 years old.
I guess that sort of thing should'nt matter, but I keep thinking about it-
at this point I don't think I'll start a family for another few years . ..
but then again-
that's not all I want in life-
just being a mom
finding what you want in life is so frustrating-
I wish I could go back ten years and start over somehow. . .
and I wish I met my current bf like 6 years ago . . .
just feeling so old and a loser.
I hate this world sometimes and most of the people in it.
All the pressure and stupid popular notions and ignorant popularized lifestyles
that's so focused on money and no integrity whatsoever.
That's part of the reason I never
'pushed myself'
I don't like the world and wish I could just go live somewhere else away from most people . . .. .
I sorta liked the idea of being a nomadic person-
I used to be a stoner,
a wanderer-
living simply-
I always have had an aversion to jewelry and fancy items-
always have an innate feeling I need to live modestly and be more one with nature- most people are anything but being about that sort of thing today-
anyways, enough rambling, gotta run now. . .