Hi there Mountain Girl --

It sounds as if you have to do something for the sake of your sanity. I worked with my T on establishing boundaries for my mother. She wasn't like yours, meddling, but would say negative undermining things.

When you assert yourself, I think you will have to give her clear messages about what she is not to do: You may not call my husband's employer because that is not appropriate. You may not call my friends to find out how I am doing.

How did she get all those phone numbers anyway?

The first time I gave my mother a clear message, she hung on me in a huff. Be prepared for a negative reaction and a few days when you two may not be on speaking terms.

My mom, however, learned new ways of behavior. My T also taught me to praise her when the disturbing behaviors stopped. So, after a few days, you may have to call your mother and compliment her for her self-restraint in not calling your friends. This carrot-and-stick approach has resulted in my having the best relationship I've ever had with my mother in life, after decades of barely getting along.

As well, it sounds like your moth is lonely and does not have a life of her own. Perhaps you can help her find new interests, volunteering, etc.