what you said resonates with me. as much as i feel like i spent most my life dissociated, i always did exist somewhere among them all to some degree, even a tiny one...but a lot of the years were spent like yours where it seemed to be more of...nothing...no one....except at the same time, it was a lot of internal 'living' with the external and internal worlds colliding quite often and overlapping symptoms of other things.

also like you, well, for me, it was in my mid 20s, i started becoming more 'me' and less whoever, whenever.

i also understand the fear of trying and being criticized or not being good at something...that has followed me my entire life as well which feeds into other things i struggle with in regard to anxiety and not being able to do certain things a lot of the time unless things are calm enough to be able to without as much emotional/internal harm if something is triggered.