I started loxapine, a 2nd AP, about 2 months ago. It has helped greatly, stopping the psychotic mixed episode I had for 7 months in its' tracks. But I first developed muscle rigidity and had to go on cogentin which only partly helped so I had to add 5 mg of valium to my night meds which doesn't work until I'm truly sleepy and then lasts half the day. So now I'm groggy all the time but not in pain. My pdoc and I agreed to give it a month and then I could go down on Seroquel which would reduce some of the biochemistry and hopefully calm the symptoms. Then I got oral motor movements about 2 weeks ago and that became obvious to others a week ago and the Seroquel was reduced. That was helping although it never stopped totally. My pdoc is on vacation and while I can probably get her via email while she is away I hate to in a non-life or death situation. I also hate to use back-up because they may not do what she would do.

Yesterday I had a bad migraine that carried over into today. Every so often I get a migraine accompanied by numbness and tingling in my arm and this was one of those. They are always hard to kill and this one is on day 2 now, starting day 3. And my mouth movements are worse.

I have no idea if that is because my brain is misfiring or if it is the EPS but I don't like it. So I decreased the loxapine until my pdoc gets back this week and can provide some insight. I'm terrified my bipolar symptoms will be back now.

I need a med to work and not do bad things. I am so frustrated; I'm trying to get better and the meds are fighting me. Plus my head hurts. And I'll probably be knocked out tomorrow since I finally took vicodin for the migraine pain which will combine with my other meds to be really sedating. But I can't hold the valium or the muscle rigidity will return.

I'm going to have to change meds, I am pretty sure of it, and there are scary meds left.

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.........