Wow, that sounds pretty rough, man. I hope you get to feeling better. I recommend trusting your doctor. Take an antidepressant if they feel like it's the best thing for you. I got started out on a low dose to see if I could tolerate it, and then it got gradually increased. I take paxil. I think it calms me down a bit, but I don't notice a huge effect. Depends on the person, I guess. Also, I get freaky vivid dreams when I'm depressed too, I thought I was the only one!