For me it came down to the fact that working was not helping but causing me harm. I tried and tried and it would go like this:

Get job during hypomania. Ride that while doing an incredible job and being very appreciated by bosses. Take on as much as I could and enjoy it. Start to get tired and feel myself slipping.

Enter depression and go on autopilot. Struggle to go to work every day. Start to miss shifts and have an increasingly difficult time going to work. Start losing sleep worrying about going to work.

Depression becomes agitated. Keep going until I couldn't stand it anymore and have a complete breakdown. Destroy things, hurt myself and become suicidal. Plunge further into depression and be unable to leave the house.

When I would eventually come out of that and enter a hypomanic state I would look for another job, trending toward jobs with less responsibility (ie, social worker to waitress).

I've worked in a physiotherapy clinic, pet stores (in charge of reptiles and mouse breeding), as a social worker, doing laser hair removal, equestrian centres (mucking stalls), bred guppies, construction (cement, mason's labourer), a waitress, a cook, and a baker. I'm sure there are one or two I'm forgetting.

The resume got more and more difficult (explaining gaps) and my husband couldn't handle the roller coaster anymore and told me he thought I shouldn't work. The breakdowns at the end were getting worse and more dangerous. And there was no balance in our lives. When I was working that's all I could do. No housework, no cooking etc.

But also, no self care. No time or energy for recreation, exercise or healthy food. So my health would start to slip there too..

Since I stopped working I've tried to do art, writing and photography but although I'm good at all of those things it doesn't matter because I can't stick to anything of finish or follow through.

So to sum it up, when work was doing me more harm than good I was in disability territory.

I applied for and was accepted for federal disability.

I hope to be more functional after ECT and would like to get back to producing some art/photography/writing.