Having a close relative, spouse, etc. with mental health and addiction issues is a hell like no other but you certainly aren't alone. My only sister has chronic issues like your son's and it worries me on a daily/nightly basis. Every aspect of her life - relationships, employment, finances, health, housing - has gone downhill over the last 10+ years. I have tried to help her in every way I know how (financially, emotionally, etc) and it doesn't seem to have made a difference. She was in a treatment program recently, but started drinking and 'fired' her AA sponsor within a few weeks of being discharged.

The range of emotions loved ones feel is huge and powerful - anger ('they' should stop 'it'), guilt (I've done something to cause this), fear (things will never get better), etc, etc.

It sucks to have this type of situation in your life but as long as your son's behavior continues along these lines, I don't think you can be entirely free of worry. I do think it is possible to live a little better in spite of it. I am counseling right now and it has been immensely helpful. I've gotten some insights that have helped me understand my sister better and cope with the situation. I also go to Al-Anon where I have met people who understand. I have a hobby which helps take my mind off of the issue.

So for me, Let Go and Let God doesn't mean so much that my sister will change, although I can and should remain hopeful for her. Let Go and Let God means that I can take the focus off the person who is sick (to the best of my ability and I have to work at this!), treat them with compassion because they are sick, and make the other aspects of my life as good as possible. I have a right to a good life.

BTW, I have learned through the Al-Anon program to not make assumptions. Your son may never make it to CO but if he does, it might end up being just what he needs, even if it initially looks negative. And if he does go, you might consider being up front about what you will or won't do in terms of wiring money, etc.