i think you really need to look at that question as to why you are in the relationship. i think your bpd really does play a role in how you respond to him and the arguing. you are hurt because he argued on your anniversary, anger doesnt really pay attention to what day it is. anger is a secondary emotion. we are feeling something we do not know how to deal with so we respond with anger instead. you guys can blame it on not being able to cope with the job stress, so he lashes out in anger instead. he is not anger about the lack of direction, he is frustrated about something else. if the root of the feelings could be discovered and dealt with, then the anger could be avoided.