Hi and welcome to PC. It sounds like your family is a tough place to grow up. No it is NOT YOUR FAULT that your Dad choked you or that he gets drunk, he is an adult and is responsible for his behaviour. You will find other people who have lived through some of what you have and will understand and want to support you. Be persistent and post on relevant forums, if you don't get much response on one, try another, give the people who care a chance to find you. Also you will find you can offer support to other people and many of us find that this helps us too. I really truly hope you get as much benefit from this community as I have, they have helped me through some dark times.