Quote:
Originally Posted by CopperStar
I would never be approved for disability. I don't need it in the sense that I can function well enough to hold down a simple job, and I also have no paper trail for my psychotic episodes over the years, I was never taken to the hospital when I was psychotic. There is no help for me to get. Normally I would be homeless, which I was, but my mother will allow to me to live in her house. But I need transportation to get and hold a job. My mother could easily afford to give me that boost in getting back up on my feet. But she doesn't actually ever want me to ever get away from her. She has already failed miserably in her responsibility as a parent when I was a child and teenager, in ways that would need trigger warnings to explain. So her "responsibility" hasn't been an issue in years, that's done and over with. Most people couldn't understand I guess. If you didn't grow up abused and then find yourself at the mercy of your abuser, who doesn't ever want you to escape from them, unless you want to go die on the streets, then my feelings might not make sense to you.
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I understand entirely. I grew up in a home in which there was all the 'usual' forms of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual). My mother, while quite a fascinating woman, was mentally ill and was physically extremely ill (had an aortic valve replacement when I was 14 & subsequently, serious cardiac issues). My father and older sisters left the home when I was a young child, my mom remarried an abusive man who was in and out of the home sporadically, and it was up to me - a child and a teen - to see to it that my mother was taken care of. I fled my home when I was 18, soon married and had children - but I remained my mother's primary caregiver. By my late-20's my marriage was suffering, in great part because of my mother's constant interference and demands for my attention (which I gave to her).
I entered into intensive therapy at the age of 28. One of my major therapy goals was to learn to set healthier boundaries with my mom, and with others in my life. I was so used to putting my mother's needs before my own (a habit she hardily groomed and encouraged) that I had never learned how to set limits, never learned that it was necessary to take care of myself. I married a VERY needy man, had needy friends, and so on.
All these years later, me at age 52 and my mom dead for a decade, I still find it challenging not to put others' needs before my own. But I did and have learned and practiced, with the help of therapists and groups, both IRL and online, to lessen the 'dance', first with my mom (I still loved her and cared for her, but I stopped attending to her every need every single day and - AMAZING! - we both survived), then with my husband and others in my life.
My point is, it sounds like you are involved in a 'dance' with your mom. If it's working for you, great. If it's not working for you, you have a couple of choices as I see it....you can either accept the situation or you can invest your time in working to change it. Either way, you are an adult...it's up to you, know what I mean?