I started the process myself last week. I am incredibly paranoid though...let me explain briefly: I lost my parental rights to my 2 boys from my ex husband because he lied about me. I had one hospital stay for a day out of my whole life(voluntary, the dr. via military clinic didn't want to see me so sent me there). That's it. Not a single blemish otherwise on my record. Well, now I have a daughter with my bf, and am terrified of losing her in any way. I keep thinking if I am honest with a doctor 100% or some type of authority, they will say I am unfit and take her. News stories do not help. In reality, children are the only people that don't aggravate my illness, because they are innocent and not judgmental like adults.

I have had five jobs my whole life and walked out on all but one due to stress. The last one was the worst. I cried about every other shift. Worked hard, just couldn't keep it together emotionally. Interactions with unfamiliar people usually does not end well with me.

So I figured, I am not married now..my bf could either leave me or die at any time. How would I support myself and our daughter? I couldn't. I called up the office in my town that gets the process going. However, I told the guy filing my case that I am not always feeling low. I thought he would have dealt with bipolar cases before. Apparently not? He said since sometimes I can function, he isn't sure if I qualify and will get back to me. Now, I was honest to the point of saying 'I don't feel like doing anything' when I'm in a depressed episode. I didn't tell him I think about suicidal thoughts or anything(I have never attempted, just idealized) or how I used to hallucinate when I wasn't medicating well. Or my meltdowns every week. Should I have? I am already on welfare, so I feel like I am one step away from my kid being taken away just because.

Ugh.