Hi,
This is my first post. I should say first off that I do not have a diagnosis of bipolar but that my question pertains to the cost/benefits of seeking such a diagnosis. I should give a little background before I present my question:
I have had a number of episodes of depression since my early teenage years. These episodes generally coincided with winter and so have often been attributed to SAD and I have been given a diagnosis of major depressive disorder. Moreover, during my teenage years I self-medicated with drugs such that my episodes of depression were invariably dismissed by doctors as teenage instability or a consequence of drug abuse. In addition, I've had a number of physical health conditions which were also dismissed by doctors until they reached a point when they could no longer be ignored. I, therefore, have a strong suspicion of doctors and have adopted a stance over the past 7-8 years that all matters related to mental health are better dealt with by me alone because doctors are of no benefit. I have recently come to believe, however, that this 7-8 year period may have also coincided with a period of (cbt-induced) denial where I tried to deny that mental illness can come in the form of an imposition and that we are in control of how things affect us.
I have always have an exuberant and eccentric personality which had gone (relatively) unchallenged by those around me. In the past year, or so, however, I have been undergoing counseling and have begun to challenge the oppressive and unhelpful state of denial I have been in for near on a decade. Upon reflection, over the past ten years my depressive episodes have been getting deeper and less linked with the seasons. My eccentricities have also begun to take on particularly pronounced episodes which have coincided with mild grandiosity (which has always been there if I'm honest) and intense departures from my usual daily life. Whether such episodes constitute hypomania or even mania proper is debatable.
But the important thing is that my relationships, work and beginning to be substantially affected by both when I am feeling good and bad. Moreover, upon reflect I can remember very few periods where my emotional state was neutral and I am used, in my daily work, to a unusually high level of passionate and intense engagement without which I cannot work. It might not be hard to guess where this is going: I know that one has to be really careful with these matters - especially at a time when bipolar is discussed as some kind of fashion accessory - but I suspect that I may have bipolar. And I may be at the point where I do need help. Like I mentioned, I have had counseling and - except in the most major of situations - would be severely adverse to medication.
I, therefore, want to ask if seeking a diagnosis from a psychiatrist has been found to be a useful experience?
I work in a highly competitive area and am concerned that a diagnosis bipolar or a related condition may harm my career even if I am able to keep it together within the work environment. Basically I am at a crossroads where I am waiting for a mental health team to contact me regarding a referral from my GP and am wondering whether it is worth seeing it through. I would, therefore, appreciate any opinions that anyone may have on the costs/benefits of a bipolar diagnosis: if one can just about get by without one should one try? Or is the possibility of the episodes becoming more extreme too much of a concern? More importantly, is it usually possible to be employed without declaring mental conditions or is it within employers' power to force a disclosure in a similar way that they do with criminal convictions?
I'm sure this doesn't cover the full spectrum of my inquiry but I think I will leave it here add additional info/questions later.
Thanks in advance for your time and understanding.