Everyone's, really. There are very few people, three in fact, who know about my depression. Two of those three are very very busy. Not only do they not have time to really talk to me at all, they aren't emotionally capable (in the case of one) or really are simply too busy (in the case of the other) of reading the texts that I do send. And the third person who knows is my best friend who has helped me immensely, almost daily. But he too is about to be much more busy, and in addition to that his own emotional endurance is much less than I really would need. My family doesn't know about the depression, but already to them I am low priority, as we are currently facing some very hard and complicated situations with extended relatives. They don't know of course how much I need them to pay attention to me and well, care, but I feel like even if they did, they wouldn't be able to give me any more than they already are.
In reality, I'm not last on anyone's priority list. There are many things below me. What there also are however are many things above me.
I have breathtaking rejection issues, an an enormous need for closure, and a constant need for a hand to hold, be that hand a physical one, or just through a screen. I know that no one is to blame for this situation but I can't help but feel that I'm being rejected by everyone I need close to me. In one case specifically I feel like my relationship with this person is an open, festering wound, and I can't even begin to start healing until I've been given some kind of closure. Unfortunately this person is the opposite of me in that they actively wouldn't even want the closure. And lastly, because of all this, I end up alone a great deal of the time. That's one reason I came to PC, and PC has helped a little bit, but it just can't substitute having someone close to me stay with me and help me.
It's no one's fault, but I feel very rejected and alone.