Thanks for this wonderful post, lavendersage!

I can identify with so much of what you said. When I first came to the Psych Central forums in January of this year, the Treatment-Resistant Depression forum was the first place I looked. I had spent most of the previous year in bed at least 12 hours a day, if not 18 (not sleeping all the time, just basically living there.)

I'm doing quite a bit better now (relatively speaking,) thanks to 7.5 mg Remeron at bedtime for sleep and lots of psychotherapy. I gained 7 pounds from the Remeron, but my weight seems to have stabilized and the food cravings it was causing seem to be lessening.

Realizing that it was making me crave food seemed to help me to deal with that problem some. It does do that, though. I even really enjoy looking at photos of food now. It has definitely done something to my brain in that area. I seem to have more enjoyment of food in general, though, so if I keep healthy food around, I get excited about that, too.

I'm now a proponent of "FIX THE SLEEP FIRST". When my sleep got better, lots of other things started to look possible.

I'm working on things now like housekeeping, getting my finances and paperwork in order, eating a healthy diet (FIX THE FOOD) and am screwing up my courage to start an exercise program.

At the risk of doing one of those "have you tried?" things, have you tried bioidentical progesterone cream? I am nearing the end (I HOPE) of perimenopause and found that progesterone cream seemed to keep my mood more stable. That might mean steadily blah, but it helped to keep it from swinging around. I have mostly stopped using it during the past few months.

I have also been looking at my ADD type symptoms and also came to the conclusion that they were probably caused by depression. They get much better with SLEEP and FOOD and when my depression is better.

I am hoping to get back to the yoga and enjoying clothes and makeup and going to church, etc. eventually. Right now I'm at the "Look! I washed my dinner plate and fork." "I made a smoothie." "I showered five times this week." "I made my bed." stage and pleased to be there.