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I just want to be able to talk to him in a way that he hears and doesn't feel like I'm attacking him.
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I am not seeing how you can make sure that he doesn't feel like you are attacking him. You cannot control his feelings.
You can look at what you say to him, and you can ask yourself if you are speaking in a reasonable manner. If you are, then it is up to him to respond in a reasonable manner, and it is his problem if he does not respond in a reasonable manner.
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However when I try to talk to him about anything I seem to come across very seriously which I think panics him
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How seriously do you think that you are coming across? In other words, how reasonable is it for him to panic at what you say?