I don't think you're being stupid at all. Shortly after my best friend passed away in 1986, my father was diagnosed with lung cancer. Like you, my dad was my rock through thick and thin (mom hated me). It was bad enough I'd just lost my best friend, who was more like a twin sister - from toddlers through adulthood. I was a single mother at the time, and the thought of losing my father was completely overwhelming to me.

Around that time, the song "The Living Years" (Mike and the Mechanics) came out. The first lines were "I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away. I didn't get to tell him all the things I had to say." While driving to work it would often come on the radio, and I'd quickly change the station before bursting out in tears.

Rather than converse, I decided to write my dad a letter of thanks for being such a great father. He never coddled me, but he cared deeply and was there for me in times of need. When his needs outweighed mine, I was there for him - but my obligations in life would not allow me to continually be at his side

As his condition worsened, I offered to take off work and stay - but he insisted I keep my job. Sure enough, the next day while at work I got the call from his neighbor telling me to go to the house because his condition had worsened. By the time I got there, he was gone. At first I thought he was resting comfortably, but then I noticed his oxygen mask was off and his chest was not moving.

My mother died eight days later, complications due to amyloidosis. I was diagnosed with amyloidosis five years later.

It crushed me to know I could not save my father and was not there when he died.

However, there is one thing I know for sure. The love you share with your father will never die, and not even death can break that bond.

I feel the same way about my son. I know he's deeply concerned about losing me and feels pressured to be there for me. But the truth is he'll never be able to save/cure me, and it's not necessary for him to be at my side. If he's at work or just out having fun when my time comes, that's FINE. That's how it's supposed to be.

With all that being said, I know it's going to continue to bother you as it did me. I tried my best to prepare, but it still came as a huge blow when it happened.

Try not to stress yourself out too much over this. Instead, cherish the time you have together while he's still on this earth.

If you're curious about the song "The Living Years," I'll post it in the music forum in my thread entitled "Dance with My Father." If not, I'll completely understand.