'morning! I got two things, very personal and valuable result from what I've been doing since last night. my brain went to bed and took 7hrs of sleep time! It knows what it wants. I feel okay, because I'm intact. Would I be okay out there in the world? Screw up is a screw up. Life or death. Honesty, man, sorry I have to do this, kinda, it just Jap thing, we like to say that. This is really,,me and outside world, im not talking about you guys here, no matter the understanding what we or the listner talk about, they take offence, i was thinking of what my boss told me on the phone.

Me, my action and what I say,,I think I've told somewhere that I talk to myself all the time, my shield, my protection and sometimes, I have to admit, i use it as weapon, my nuke,

Here's the thing man, I can't lose anything I've learnt here, (No crying pls,,i gotta finish this...)

I know she doesn't understand this, the freedom fighter, the country builder, a teacher a tourguide, a poet, o so many great thing. I want to do the mind meld thing with her brain, she's got so many qualities that makes her, the original self. (Thank you, thank you, thank you Venusss, ****, my internet's broken i can't gooogle.)

The gist of it is, I followed her post from teh beginning, idk,,,like 1yrs worth, or maybe 2. And her sig, about the nukes, amazing piece of tech, as it is now, it's made to kill. not many ppl seems to be seeing it as ,,yea, as the creater of technology saw in it. Misinterpretation, misuse. Seeing things as is. I do this and take the good, see the good in it. So, after a long hours of my soul search last night, I traveled back through time, found nothing, I'm made of something like soft ball of mass gathering dust here and there, shaping me.

Who makes you you? Are you really something, something what you think you're made of? Or is it the other that surrounds you that defines/mold/shape you? What really comes inside of you? You have to know,,well,,I had to know that first.

(what the hell? did I write that? everything, mr mafioso told me once, you say it you're done with the word, in my case, i forget, this is a tad bit concern of mine if i make it so, this makes me feel like im becoming a liar, im not recognizing these 100% of me and what he said a second, a min, a day ago...)

malleability of human brain

my own insecurity vs other's own insecurity

(this, I was learning it again, but you can throw it out of the window, I don't know what I do with this, if I don't keep that in mind, ill appear in the other's eyes, that I'm a rude person. in my heart of the heart, I'd love to do this, say into someone's face, "it is your ****ing insecurity, go **** yourself" and see what else comes out of that person. Drop the facade and I can see you. So quick, everyone's brain, snap, snap!, even before i reach 'sssssna', the brain will be moving on to the next thing. So in a way, I'm not listening. True right? If you are not a blind man, you're taking in all the other details of the person, i dont know how much, it's like sniffing a glass of wine with your eyes closed or ,,nah..im not going there.

As you can see, I got something out of it, from the last night's brain experiment, my own telekinetic psychological lobotomy or something,,(my head was hurting so, ). It was performed using every tools available at that time, and I'm still alive.

I'm taking a break. I'm still happy, my work, yeah,,,,

We often say that 'we work on ourselves', we keep doing that and sharing what they are doing. Pure work. This doesn't sound right. guess the word work, ,,,,my thoughts/sparks jumped to the stone age or something, ppl hunted, gathered berries, and the joy, whatever they looks like, they had the same pure joy there, he/she got what they wanted, proved him/herself right. Of course, they also knows about the hard times, when food were scarce.

Me, I could have so many negative labels on me, if someone were to ask me about myself, it's kinda your job to see me. I don't fight other people,

Word, word, word,,,Pacifist. Does that have anything to do with pacifier? a baby, sissy?? that's for another time,,,

I can't say that I'm antiwar, or I am anything, I see what's in front of me and be myself, that's all I can do.

A heroin addict, say, who's about to inject with his/her sad eyes. I've never met a person like that, but I think I know what I can do if I were there. This is a progress of my work, the work that not so many people recognize. There's always something else going on.

"Be kind, you have the kindness, you're seeing the inner battle that you know nothing about, yet."

Then if you wanna help, do.

I got no advice or any more things to say, this is not a truth finding, **** like that. I'm not smart to understand that yet. At some point, most ppl choose direction, i'm not understanding why ppl can find their callings..My work won't earn me cents, I could say, 'Don't let anyone affect you....', if that gets you lose your way. ..

I'm thinking, debating with myself a little, that after all this words came to my head, they were stored there already by the way, these are all piceces of the puzzle, I don't know what to do with mine.

I see someone else's puzzle pieces, I won't know which ones I get to see, then if I felt something, I see the person. ,,OSP. I gotta go get that book i guess. I'm not expecting much there though.

This is all tools, i won't say that you're. Never.

And I'm dropping it now. I just exist, as meaningless as an inanimate object. And I feel comfort in that.

Thank you! (man,,,i so wanted to stop my heart last night, i felt that it almost lost the rhythm.)

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