The burden of low self-esteem. I yearn for people to "like" me, but I'm so disgusting that nobody could possibly be interested in liking me, therefore anyone who takes an interest in me is either out to exploit me, belittle me, or crush me.

No explanation for any of this, no justification could make it go away, and the only cure is developing better self esteem. That's an oxymoron if I ever heard one! "Despite my gross-ness, I really love myself as a person and I have value." Most of my "value" has been as the butt of a joke, or a victim for an abuser. Yep, I'm a treasure!