I'm sober again guys. I just felt like coming to this board again not knowing really why. Then I remembered writing a post here. I read "the real me" from me, and I felt so embarrassed that I posted while drinking. I blacked out the whole memory. I stayed sober for 4 years in AA without any meds at all. I wasn't try to prove anything, I just didn't think meds could help with what I was suffering. I had never heard of anyone seeing (or thinking) the terrible things I'd seen. Now I am on meds (the right ones I hope) and I had a really good day. This time I sincerely thanked god for "...saving a wretch like me." Thanks so much for your words of encouragement and hope.