I'm not doing well at backing off of the flirting with my friend. It seems that I am getting worse too. Like the comments I've made are so ridiculous that I can't even share them here. I'm glad that I realize that though because maybe it will help me shut the eff up. I would be embarrassed if she called me on the things I've said and asked me to stop. I don't know what I'm even doing or trying to accomplish. My T is right that I'm playing with fire and it will go nowhere due to the fact that she is straight and married.

I think that I should just continue to smile at her when I see her... She makes me smile. I can continue to be helpful to her... I'd say more than I am to others but it is only because she asks for my help.

She's not asking to be harassed. Let me make that clear. When I flirt with her though she smiles and winks at me. Also, she seems to like to have me help her with heavy things even though I have seen her do it herself.

I thought to myself today, if she said, "Ok. Let's do this," what would I do? I don't know to be honest. I think I'd like to kiss her. Maybe hold her? I've never really been with a woman before though. The truth is probably that I just need to get laid. [emoji38]