Hello Moth-fly!

I can relate to some of your worries and the desire to be seen for who you are. Personally, I worry a lot about the implications my gender identity (I'm ftm) has for others, and I tend to forget that sometimes looking after myself rather than others is more important.

One question you could ask yourself (and maybe you already have asked yourself that) is what coming out would mean for you and what you would expect to change/improve. So let's just assume coming out to your close family meant they changed pronouns and maybe addressed you with a new, more gender neutral name. Maybe you would start dressing a little differently. So what? If your parents did not go out of their way to out you to others, I don't think an outsider would suspect anything more than "oh, looks like their kid is experimenting with new styles". I know that this is not what it is and I assume it's not how you want it to be seen in general, but I think what I'm trying to say is that coming out to some people you trust doesn't mean coming out to everyone. My experience is that mostly people see what they want and expect to see (so looking at me, they see a "masculine woman", alas). And as long as those people who matter see the right thing (the person I am), I can endure the others a lot better.

Not sure if this helps, my thoughts are very jumbled (more coffee required ).

Adrian